Farewell to Faith?

Do you know Charles Templeton? What about Billy Graham? Of course you know Billy! But did you know that once upon a time, next to Charles, Billy Graham was an afterthought? Charles was the headliner and Billy was the "also-appearing" in smaller font. This is hard to imagine given Billy Graham's international status. So why have we not heard of Charles Templeton?

In the movie, The Case for Faith, Lee Strobel had an opportunity to interview Charles Templeton about his sudden rejection and departure from the Christian faith. As I listened to Charles ask Lee, "If He was a loving God, then why allow such pain and suffering in the world?" I felt a connection to Mr. Templeton that disturbed me. Am I blasphemer for daring to relate to a man who rejected God and Jesus? I don't think so and I dare believe that every Christian who hears it will also feel the stab of familiarity. In the dark moments of night and the deep places in our hearts, we have all known a "Charles Templeton": also known as doubt.

Doubt: The opposite of faith.
Faith believes in the unseen. Doubt does not believe until you see.
Faith, some define, as a knowing and expectation for change even when there is no possible WAY for it to happen. Faith is carrying your umbrella into a 7 year draught prediction. Faith is willing to risk being wrong because you know you have to be right. Faith says there is no other option but to believe beyond all understanding.
Doubt says you cannot trust anything but what you can see, hears, touch, taste and figure out in your own understanding and logic.
This is why doubt is so familiar to us all. It's easier to trust in that which I can see, feel and understand. It's easier to believe things will be okay when there is a plan you have crafted, a bank account saved up and a roof over your head..

On the surface, doubt promises to keep us safe. Doubt says it’s safer to stay home and unsafe to talk to strangers. Otherwise, you may get bombed, attacked, ran over, shot at, or mugged. But the truth is, doubt only keeps us safe behind the bars of fear. Doubt is the sheriff in the prison of inner hell, masquerading as paradise.

Charles Templeton understood this well. He often felt like he was on the brink of losing his mind. In the end, Charles chose to listen to the doubts that sided with reason and logic. Faith was too risky. But I wonder, if doubt was so safe, why did the man wrestle and obsess with it even unto his death?!

In his dad's eulogy his son Brad Templeton said, "Even though he had given up the faith, religion remained his obsession for the rest of his life, as can be seen in his novels and even in 'Farewell to God.' To his dying day, he expressed his admiration for Jesus the philosopher, whom he regularly declared to be, though not god, the greatest man who ever lived."

Now...wait. Before you let your mind judge Charles as quickly as mine did, I ask you to consider the tone of Charles' departure from the Christian faith. For an agonistic, why chose the words "Farewell to God"? Why "farewell" and not "so-long"? Why bother with a departing gesture at all? If he was so convinced against God, why did he walk away but always look back? This leads me to believe that this was not an angry or vindictive or evil man. Oh no. This was a broken hearted man in search of something he couldn't see and never dared to keep looking for.

And doesn't THAT sound familiar? HOW to trust in a God unseen? A God who says to seek Him and yet I cannot see him, touch him or audibly hear him? HOW to believe in miracles not yet performed? How to trust that God is good in spite of the pain and suffering I see? To believe...that even if I'm in pain, God loves me?

Mr. Templeton let doubt choke out his hope of ever finding a redemptive and PEACEFUL truth. He let fear stop him from looking. Doubt whispers that we will have peace if we chose safety when in fact; doubt is the opposite of peace. Doubt is mental torment. Is it no wonder that God continually beseeches us to cast doubt away?!  His son Brad also noted, "At the end of the book, he [Charles] wrote that he sometimes felt that his whole life had been an attempt to impress his aloof and never-present father. He considered titling the memoir [Farwell to God], Hey Dad, look at me!"

Ahhh. The pieces fall into place, do they not?
I think we know Charles Templeton better than we thought. I too, search for the love of God as an ever-present Father. But what breaks my heart is that for most of his life, Charles never found what he was looking for. Not because he didn't want to...but because he listened to the "what-ifs." Maybe...he never even really looked in the first place. Maybe he was only a moment away from breakthrough and gave up when peace was just within reach.

 

I can't help but picture the young Billy Graham, standing nervously in the shadow of his friend Charles Templeton, wondering if he'll ever be as great a man of God as he. I am 100% sure that Billy asked the same questions of God because Charles, Billy, you and I, ALL know the familiar voice of doubt. And yet little did Billy realize until much later that God needed more than talent, skill, intelligence and all that we have to offer: God needed his faith in Him.

Do you now recognize something familiar in both Charles and Billy? There are moments when I wonder, can I do this? Can this be true? How? Why? What if I go forward for prayer and don't get healed? Then my fears will be confirmed and God must surely not love me enough! Therefore, it must be safer to stay. To never go. To never try....right???

But then there are moments when I know no other option will do. I must trust and I will trust that my God is the one and Only and that He is Good and that He loves me! I must! Not because anybody said so...but because deep down, my spirit and my soul know that without that trust...without Him, I will perish in torment from the inside out! I must keep searching for there is One I long to know more! And when I find ... a tiny shaving...barely a FLAKE of GOLD, it will be just enough of a taste to fuel my hunger for more. So I will keep looking and digging for more: more peace. More of HIM.

Yes! The story of Charles Templeton could breed sadness. For some wavering, it could dare to try and confirm your doubts. But it could also birth Faith. It's all the more reason to learn from him and keep SEARCHING if you have not yet found what you are looking for! And as you search, please join me in addressing that familiar voice of doubt, which comes with F.E.A.R. (False Evidence Appearing Real):

"Wiley, lying Doubt, who comes pretending in order to steal and imprison God's family; We have found you out. We recognize you for who you are. I confess before my God that at times, I have believed your lies. I confess and I repent before my God. Doubt, I send you away. I don't need you anymore. Go and send no others. For I turn my ear away from your seemingly sweet, safe-talking chatter and choose to listen to the voice of faith. As risky as faith may seem to be, even as silly as she may sound at times, I will chose to trust in the One who promises that all things work out for GOOD for those that love Him! I choose to believe that when I seek, I WILL find. And as I seek, I am assured by faith that the safest place in the world is in the will of God."

The Courage of Marshall

I’m supposed to be in bed right now. But there is nothing like a sports movie to rev me up and keep me awake! It doesn’t help that I have cried, then laughed, cried again, jumped up and down screaming and laughed some more. (Let’s just say I like to participate). If you know me at all, you know I LOVE true stories (can you tell?!).

We Are Marshall is the story of healing after the loss of Marshall University’s entire football team after a devastating plane crash in 1970. Over and over, one theme stood out to me: the process of healing can be painful in of itself and it takes great courage to face the pain in hope of finding peace and the strength to move forward.

The picture the movie paints of the tragic loss of 75 team and family members of a West Virginia community is heart wrenching (I sobbed for the first 15 minutes). Although they were actors, they represented real parents, real friends, real brothers and wives who lost everything just one mile from the safety of home. The magnitude of such loss can only be described as a spirit-numbing devastation in which an entire community painfully mourned. Football is the LAST thing anyone wants to hear about. Makes sense considering it only reminded them of what they lost.

But Nate Ruffin, one of four team members not on the plane, is driven to rally a football team back together. And it is his leadership efforts that rally an entire community to support the rebuilding efforts of Marshall University football.  At first, I was awed by Nate’s insight and courage to play football again. Then I realized that, for Nate and many others in his community, he was still trying avoid the heart of the matter and get away from dealing with the grief. Unlike the others, his method was to DO something and dive into trying to recreate what he thought he’d lost. It wasn’t until 3/4 through the movie (probably the equivalent of a year and a half later), that Nate broke down and allowed himself to face the painful question, “Why? Why did this happen?”

His coach gave him an honest answer, “I don’t know.” And Nate finally had to face the pain and started weeping. Shortly thereafter, he found relief and sighs with peace.

What caught me by surprise was the revelation that it took MORE COURAGE for the man to allow himself to ask the question why and face the doubt, the fear, the pain and the grief head on when there was no possible answer in sight. Deep down, he had to know he wasn’t going to find an answer he was satisfied with. But in order to heal a gashing hole in your heart, you must first look at the wound. And yes. That is a painful process. And yes…it takes courage to look at it.

I don’t know about you but I have been there. More often than I’d like to admit, I ask God why. Several times I have been in deep pain, grief, and a depth of loneliness that threatens to choke the air out of me: It’s all I can do to cry out, “WHY?!” I know I won’t get an answer in that moment. We may never know. And I wonder, would the “why” really help anyway?? If you had the answer, would it really help you move forward?

We have two choices: be unsatisfied until we find out why and risk withering away into ourselves with grief OR be satisfied that we may never know why and move forward in hope of finding peace and joy once again.

So if we muster up the courage to choose option B and move forward, how do we rise from the ashes? How do we begin again from such a broken place? It is with great insight that Coach Jack say, “It doesn’t matter whether we win or loose. What matters is that we play the game.”

He wasn’t just talking about football; he was talking about life. He was talking about getting up after we have been beaten down. He was talking about standing after we fall, about trust and healing. He had insight I’m not even sure he was fully aware of: insight only God understands and we so often miss:

It’s not about waiting for the pain to pass and THEN moving forward: moving forward in spite of the pain IS the healing process! It’s the JOURNEY, not the destination that matters most. And it’s in the process of walking that journey you rediscover the joy and adventure of living LIFE!

Do you have the courage to dare look up from the ashes of your pain? Do you have the courage to rise and walk to find healing? Whatever you grieving and painful situation, I pray you do. I pray God and His community of believers sends you a helping hand to encourage you to get back in the game.