Aloha Papa Cal

On October 29, 2010, Calvin Spicer, a.k.a Papa Cal, passed on. A week later, I traveled almost 1000 miles in 48 hours in order to say a sad goodbye. At noon on November 5th, I sat in the second row of a funeral home, staring teary-eyed at a coffin in front of a heavenly backdrop, questioning God about the grim finality of life.

Papa Cal was family but I probably knew him the least out of everyone in the room. I met him when I was 17 and when I was 18, I went away to college minimizing our time to get to know one another. In October 2001, I “officially” inherited him and Grandma Marie as family when my dad remarried. Shortly thereafter, Papa and Marie moved north to retire. Life went on until one day, it stopped.

I didn’t even know the depth of my own grief until I heard the words spoken about Calvin’s life from my family. Fourteen year old Shanya spoke of his kind spirit and lifelong friend Gene, spoke of his love for the Lord. Cousin Linda spoke of his brotherly adoption of anybody and everybody and my dad spoke of his keen gift of forgiveness. It was then all kinds of emotions hit me: pain, grief, peace, fear, laughter, wonder, regret, doubt and peace. (Yes…they can all happen at once). My mind and spirit felt so overwhelmed I thought I would burst into loud convulsions.

“Why?!” I asked. Then I realized I was grieving the loss of missed opportunity. My relationship with Papa was blessed but minimal which meant I had missed an opportunity to know Cal deeply: to know his kindness, humor and love in my OWN memory and not just the memories of others. I was overtaken with the sadness of regret.

Then my dad read a tribute from my cousin Andi in Hawaii, which opened with, “Aloha means both hello and goodbye” and ended saying, “If we all can say one final ‘ALOHA’ it would mean so much to us in Hawaii, who unfortunately can't be there...so say it loud and clear... ALOHA.”
As the entire room spoke “Aloha” in unison, peace flooded me and my spirit understood what I can finally articulate today:

Yes, Papa Cal, our “hello” was brief and our “goodbye” came too soon. But we share a common spirit: we have the same God, who WAS and IS and SHALL BE, evermore. He is the Alpha and Omega. He is the BEGINNING and the END. God is Love and love is ETERNAL and NEVER ENDING. We said “Hello.” I said “Goodbye”. But we will say “Hello” again.

I saw the evidence of God’s purpose on his life through the message of love and adoption others spoke of. I realized his legacy was FAR reaching to me and many, many others, even those who had NEVER met him. You see, even though my time with him was limited, Papa Cal’s legacy of love blesses me daily through my dad, my brother, my step mom, my cousins, my aunts and uncles who carry it to everyone they meet. They carry on his message in their character…the very character God molded in him.

I came that Friday in a spirit of regret, fearing a lesson in the grim finality of life. After experiencing how we carry-on in and through others, I left blessed and hopeful that we have an opportunity to touch eternity and the very heart of God by loving others like Jesus loved us…just like my Papa Cal.

This is the powerful mystery of God: Love never fails. Love never ends.

Aloha Oe, Papa Cal.
“Until we meet again…”

Love Angie