Merry Christmas OR Ba humbug!??

In 2005, I became aware, as if for the first time, that Christmas can be lonely, grievous, stressful and meaningless for many. Instead of allowing it to bring joy, it feels like a month-long task list with impossible expectations.

Two simultaneous events lead me to a Christmas strike. Event one was loss. When my family refused to reconcile in the face of this loss, I cried and then I hardened my heart. The second event robbed me of the joy of giving. Someone told someone who told me that my heartfelt gifts were not well received. They had a lot of negative things to say about gifts they didn’t want. I became angry, threw my hands up in the air and exclaimed, “Then what’s the freakin’ point?!”

I know…I know. I said, “freakin’”
But even worse, I became bitter and lost my Christmas Spirit. What was once a celebration filled with festivities, anticipation and laughter was reduced to dread. No decorating. No Christmas cards. Why even celebrate this silliness? Christ wasn’t even born on December 25th! I wrapped my presents with torn wrapping paper. Who cares…they are just going to rip it open, right? Go Christmas light gazing? No thanks. Its just a waste of natural resources. Christmas music? Turn it OFF.

So much for a holly jolly Christmas. Ba HUMBUG!

I complained about the overindulged holiday and how America lost the meaning of Christmas. But really, I just used the excuse as a mask to hide my wounding.

This year, my eyes are open and I grieve the lost of those 5 months. I grieve the loss of the opportunity for me to be an Ambassador for Christ during a time when we should stop to remember what matters most.

What changed this year? First, a friend called me on my “Scrooge” attitude. I defended it of course. Then I let her suggestions sink in and decided to do something for someone else with no expectations in return. So I surprised my coworkers by getting to work early and decorating the office in full Christmas attire.

At first, I wasn’t feeling anything. I grumbled a little bit at the garland. But as I hung snowflakes in a hurry before their early morning arrival, I rediscovered the excitement of anticipating other’s joy. O…there was a couple moments of doubt: what if they don’t like the colors? What if they don’t think it’s a big deal? What if…what if?

But in the end, it wasn’t between me and them: it was between me and God. It was about the condition of MY heart.

Then it snowballed. I forced myself to sing Christmas carols. Next thing you know, I was baking, decorating, signing Christmas cards and wrapping presents with love. Each act represented what Christ would do for me….regardless of whether or not I deserved it. And I wanted to do the same for others.

It’s kind of exciting: remembering what Christmas is all about. I feel the anticipation I used to but with a little more “seasoning.” I learned that Christmas isn’t about what’s going on around you but inside you. And we have a CHOICE in the attitude and condition of our heart. For me, this year is about the message of Christ and I have a role to play in sharing it. I plan to continue sharing my re-discoveries here on the blog. Stay tuned! In the meantime I chose to have a merry Christmas!

Good Tidings and Blessings to You,
Angela